he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize