I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
