I feel like I'm in dance class right now
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
