I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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