Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
