Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
