no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
