he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
