The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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