It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize