he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
