Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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