ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
