I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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