I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
