Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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