i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize