I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
