i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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