No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
