I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
