Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
