I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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