Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
