I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
