***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
