i already hear my dad disowning me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
