So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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