I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
