Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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