come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
