Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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