im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
