White coat. Heels.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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