my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
