if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
