I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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