M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
