Ambien. No doubt about it.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize