i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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