Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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