I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
