...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm really busy with my period
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