you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
