Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
