So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
