I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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