sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
