im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
