Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
