Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
