if we break up, who will get the dealer?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
