I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
