well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
