I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
These tits shall not be calmed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
