If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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