we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
