how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Life without a bra equals bliss.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
