Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
