Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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