jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
