Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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