Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
