It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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