Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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