I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A+ Viking dick
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
