"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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