I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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