I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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