There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
