EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
