I wish I only lived at night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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