Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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