My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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