he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
