Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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