she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
