how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
