i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
