About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
