I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
