just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
barbara walters just said penis...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
