I hope mine doesn't look like that
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
