Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
