dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
