Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think I died a long time ago.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
