I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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