Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I want a musical about memes.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
