I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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