Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
