I think I died a long time ago.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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