I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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