i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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