I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
