I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
