He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
