Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
