I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
