You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
