My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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