planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
