i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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