Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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