and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
