No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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