no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
